


Somebody Tell Me I'm Not Alone

by smallearthcat (vamplover82)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 17:47:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2476997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamplover82/pseuds/smallearthcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode tag for Amaro's One-Eighty.</p>
<p>Nick stays with Barba instead of Liv.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody Tell Me I'm Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and con crit. are much appreciated.

The second Cassidy walked through the door, Nick knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep there, to sleep on Liv's couch with the guy in the next room. Logically, he knew it wasn't Cassidy's fault, that his hands were tied worse than anyone's because it was his first case with IAB and he was on thin ice anyway. But knowing it and feeling it were two different things, and as soon as Cassidy was out of sight, Nick hauled his bag up and started digging for his keys.

"Nick, you can't-" Liv tried to protest, but Nick just shook his head.

"I can't stay here, either."

"Don't go back there."

Nick paused with his hand on the doorknob. "I won't." And he left.

***

Nick didn't let himself think about where he was going, not as he made his way to the nearest subway station, not as the doors closed behind him, not as he got off, and definitely not as he walked the four blocks it took to get there and knock on the door. Nick wasn't even there for thirty seconds before the door inched open and Barba stared at him, face blank.

"I can't stay with Liv."

There was no real reason Barba should even know what he was talking about, especially since it was still only hours after the shooting, but Nick was pretty confident that Liv, at least, would have kept him up to speed. It wasn't long before Barba moved aside, and Nick slipped in before Barba locked up again.

It was a nice place, though Nick didn't say so, just looked a question at Barba, who tipped his head in the direction of the living room. Nick dropped his duffel next to the couch and slumped down onto it, letting his head drop down into his hands. By the time Nick looked up, Barba was sitting in an armchair off to the side, not really facing Nick, but obviously trying to figure out just what Nick was doing on his couch.

And Nick...Nick didn't know how to explain, how to say that he'd memorized the addresses of everyone on their team, and still, his first instinct had been to come here. How he'd known that any of them would have given him a place to stay, but that he didn't want to see how worried they were about him. He wanted somewhere he could sit in silence, not actually have to explain anything, but not have to be alone, either. Barba could be plenty talkative when he wanted to, but he was also very good at reading people and at actually letting that dictate his actions, even when it came to his friends.

They sat in silence for a time, longer than Nick had any right to hope for. In the end, he was the one to speak first, because the longer they sat there, the twitchier he got, and he eventually realized that Barba really was going to just let him sit there without saying anything if that was what he really wanted.

"I can't explain-"

Barba's eyes cut to him immediately, and he'd obviously been waiting for the opening. "And you don't need to."

But he did, because the truth was that he hadn't come here by accident, and he hadn't come for the silence. He'd come because he needed Barba, who knew him but wouldn't hold back on judging Nick for his actions.

"Yes, I do." Nick scrubbed his hands through his hair, not caring that he'd probably left it a mess.

"No, you _don't_."

When Nick looked up again, Barba was standing directly in front of him, and judging by the look on his face, maybe Nick really didn't need to explain. It clearly hadn't taken Barba long to figure this part of it out, and Nick wondered what it said about him that he'd been so easily read. He didn't think he really wanted to know.

Not that Barba seemed like he had much interest in talking right at the moment, anyway. Problem was, he didn't do much of anything else, either, just stood there staring down at Nick. And maybe Nick had been easily read, but he obviously wasn't going to be given the easy road here; he was going to have to make a move if he wanted anything other than a couch to crash on.

Before he even had a chance to really consider what he was doing, his hands were reaching out, and he only had the briefest of moments to wonder why Barba was still wearing suspenders at this time of night before he took hold of them and tugged. He didn't pull hard enough to put Barba off his balance, but the action itself must have been a good enough start.

Barba let himself sink down slowly, until he was straddling Nick's thighs. Nick's breath hitched at the contact, and he twisted Barba's suspenders in his hands just a little bit more, pulling them tight. Barba leaned in slowly, as if he was trying to give Nick an out, but Nick had come this far, and there was no way he could walk away from this, not tonight.

It felt like it took forever to happen, but when their lips finally touched, it was pretty much exactly like Nick had expected it would be. Namely, fireworks. Nick knew that it was mostly desperation on his end, the need to feel something other than lost in the chaos of his own life, though of course, all they were doing here was stirring up more. What it was that had Barba bracketing Nick's head with his hands and sucking Nick's tongue into his mouth like he might die without it, Nick didn't know. It only served to ratchet up his own desperation, and in his haste to start losing clothing, he got his fingers tangled up in Barba's suspenders.

It hardly mattered, though, because yanking his hands to the sides pretty effectively got the point across. Barba – and Nick really should probably think of him as Rafael, if only in the privacy of his own head – deftly slid his arms free of the suspenders and started in on Nick's buttons. Nick returned the favor, though he hadn't quite finished by the time Rafael had moved on to his pants.

After that, he was a little too distracted to finish, especially once there was a hand touching him, skin to skin. At that point, it seemed far more important to get Rafael's pants open as well. Nick fumbled to do so while Rafael pulled back far enough to rest his forehead against Nick's and stroked Nick's cock just about as slowly as humanly possible.

Nick was panting, practically sharing breath with Rafael, who was panting equally hard, but he managed to pull together enough coordination to get his hand into Rafael's pants. Feeling that warm skin under his hand was almost as good as the hand on his own dick, and he couldn't help giving Rafael's dick a squeeze of appreciation. That earned him one of his own, and Rafael lifted his head just far enough for them to look into each other's eyes.

That was all the warning Nick got before he was being jerked steadily faster. He reflexively responded in kind, and as they both sped up, he found himself unable to look away from Rafael's eyes. They were plenty intense under normal circumstances, but everything about this situation was far from normal, and Nick couldn't help feeling like Rafael could see right into his soul.

It scared him a little, but more than that, managed to ratchet his arousal even higher, and Nick's orgasm hit him before he even realized it was coming. All he could do was suck in air as his hips tried to twitch upward but were held down by Rafael's weight still settled on top of them.

He lost a little time then, and the next thing he was really aware of was the warmth of Rafael coming over both their hands. He looked down dazedly, watching with fascination as Rafael kept Nick's hand clasped tightly around his dick as he finished coming.

They sat like that, sticky and cooling, for longer than they probably should have, but Nick couldn't really bring himself to care. Eventually, he tore his eyes away from their spent dicks to find that Rafael still had that intense gaze turned on him. In the aftermath of orgasm, it was a lot harder to take, so Nick put his hand around the back of Rafael's neck and pulled him in for a much gentler kiss than any they'd shared earlier.

It was nearly as hard to take that as it was the intense gaze, because tenderness was not at all what he'd expected to find here tonight. It made his heart ache with longing, to fix all the mistakes he'd made, but mostly to hold onto this feeling for as long as he could. Rafael tried to pull away once, twice, before he managed not to lean back in and renew the kiss. They both sighed heavily as Rafael lifted himself off of Nick and offered him a hand up and first go at the bathroom.

***

By the time Rafael was done in the bathroom, Nick still hadn't decided if it would be presumptuous to assume Rafael would be willing to share the bed. As such, he'd been halfheartedly rooting around in his bag in order to avoid committing to either just taking the couch or making himself at home in the bed.

Given Rafael's perpetual straight-laced appearance, Nick had half-expected him to emerge in a pair of old-man pajamas, but apparently he either wasn't so straight-laced with his nightwear or had decided it didn't really matter if he just wore a pair of shorts, given that they'd seen each other mostly-naked. The sight sent an unexpected zing to Nick's dick, and he found himself hoping they'd be sharing the bed.

"Are you sleeping out here?" Turned out Rafael's eyes could do something other than intense, because when Nick met them to judge whether Rafael was hoping his answer would go one way or the other, they looked positively soft.

"Not if you don't mind..." Nick trailed off.

Rafael tipped his head toward the bedroom in invitation. Nick pushed his bag to the side and followed as Rafael led the way. Nick thought it might be a little awkward, given that they'd been nothing more than work friends mere hours ago, but it really wasn't. They settled in easily enough, Nick still used to sharing with Maria, and Rafael...well, who knew. Sure, the apartment made it look like he'd been building a life on his own for quite awhile, but Nick knew plenty well that those kinds of things could be deceiving. In any case, Nick managed to drift off minutes after lying down, when he'd been sure he'd get no sleep that night.

***

The one downside to the situation was that Rafael was apparently one of those chipper morning types, at least once he'd gotten a cup of coffee in him. Nick stared at him blurrily for pretty much the entire time they spent getting ready, wondering how a guy who always seemed kind of high-strung could be so goddamn pleased to greet the day. Not that he said as much, because he was already in a bad mood at having to face the coming day. He did take the cup of coffee he was offered, though he didn't really want it, because he was pretty sure he'd need it long before the day was through.

Things finally got awkward as they were standing in the doorway, ready to leave. They hadn't really talked about whether Nick would be welcome to stay until he was good to go back home, or about what last night meant – if it was a one-off or not. All of which left them standing there, Nick glancing at the bag he'd brought that far but set on the floor, unsure if he should take it with him, and Rafael looking at Nick like he wanted to say something but wasn't quite sure how.

It felt to Nick like they were frozen there in indecision for the longest time before Rafael solved both of their dilemmas by grabbing Nick's tie and tugging him gently forward until their lips met in a chaste kiss. Nick left his bag by the door, almost smiling as he went off to face the day.


End file.
